First of all, I have been reading, like a lot. I'm pretty sure I've spent more than RM200 on books alone this year. I've finished reading The Hunger Games Trilogy, and the 3 side books, Powerless, Dr Yes and Border Town. And I'm currently reading The Last Invisible Boy, Eight Keys, Warp Speed, Liesl & Po, We Can Be Heroes and The Boy Who Could See Demons. As for future reads, I'm searching for The Maze Runner Trilogy and the Epilogue, Perks of Being a Wallflower, How To Kill a Mockingbird, The Caster Chronicles, Dark Lord and John Green's works. So that's a total of 9 read, 6 reading and 16 will be read. All these reading will either be the death of me or the death of me. Fucking feels man.

Next, I have longer periods between relapses and I guess that's good. I mean sometimes I feel like a relapse is going to happen but it didn't and I'm still okay, in a way. Reading and music really help a lot. Also doing creative stuff keeps me sane. I made a elastic bangle with googly eyes on it, I covered my wall with posters, thinking of rearranging my room again, making tiny projects and most of these things happen between 12 to 3 am so.. yeah. I also found some really good music like going through 8track and mixtapes on the net. I found out about Bastille, Mariana Trench, Of Monsters and Men, also a lot of classics from ABBA and etc idek. I have also been watching a lot of torrent movies like Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Suicide Room, Cyberbully, Easy A, The Notebook, Crazy Stupid Love, and a lot of horror movies.

As for the down part of changing I still have no idea what the hell is going on in my life anymore with SPM and my future and every time these thoughts get in my head I just feel like lying down on the floor and cry because I really have no idea. My result are getting worse! The only subject I can get an A is Modern Maths. I can barely get an A in English. I flunk my BM essay. My Chem and Phy are out of the window, I failing my Agama and I still haven't passed my Add Maths. As for my LK and Sej, I'm improving to say the least. I'm seriously thinking about abandoning Chemistry. I am literally hopeless. I think I can still get credit for a few of the other subject but idk. Then I keep thinking about the future, even more studying and work and stuff ughh. Like I don't even know with all these Matriks talk and A levels and honestly all I want to to get a Diploma in Film/Graphic Design/Multimedia/Animation and I just want to work at Dreamworks or Pixar and be happy and die and just be done with all of it. Sometimes at night I just lay on my bed with the only glow in the dark stars and think about everything, trying to sort everything out but I can't and I get anxiety attacks and I can't sleep and I have lost count on how many nights I didn't sleep. How did I even become the President of the Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya?? I'M A HOT MESS!!

idk man, i need to thrown my bed frame from the 25th floor. bye.